Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Which One?

Just as the Mid Life Crisis arrives unannounced, so has your mood to try something new from the grocery store shelf. You say to yourself, "Self ! Why have I continued for years to buy the same ole stuff when there are 100s of different versions of that product to chose from?"

Since you had no logical answer to that $100,000.00 question, you decide to make a change in your habit of buying. Thus, here you are standing in the aisle of a grocery store that was perfectly empty when you started studying the containers, the color of the ingredients, reading every little fine print written on the labels and all the while starting to get that blank stare of “This is confusing the hell of me" look.

Then you notice that the aisle traffic is now looking like the Birmingham Interstate at rush hour, not because the people need stuff on the aisle, but they are curious why you have been standing in one place for three hours. Now! You have the security team, the store management, the cleaning people and the homeless man who lives in the dumpster looking over your shoulder to see what is so interesting.

You’re trying to figure out just how to get out of this dilemma. So! The first thing you do is check your bank account to see if you have the extra $500.00 to just buy every sauce on the shelf. Nope! So! Now! You’re down to making that fateful decision of "Am I wasting my money or is this going to be the holy grail of sauces?”

But wait! Before you step into the deep water, there is one more option. You can look at Trader Evaluates occasionally to see if he has already wasted his money on the same thing and is telling you about it, so that extra $5.00 can be used on something meaningful like a Tennessee Lottery Ticket. It would be a shame that fate would have it that $5.00 you just squandered on a bottle of crap really cost you $100 Million because you didn’t buy the ticket that would have made you an instant millionaire. So! With that ringing in your ears as to why you should be reading the rest of the article, allow me to fill you in on what I found with the items I have purchased lately.


It comes in a 16 oz. plastic bottle with a very well designed marketing label to catch your eye. That is about the only good thing I can say about this sauce. On the bottle it says good for Chicken, Baked Potato, Pork, Veggies, and Bread. They describe the sauce as dirty looking and zesty. Dirty I agree with. Zesty? Well, like President Clinton says, it depends on your definition of Zesty.

I want you to know I did not have “zesty” with that sauce. In my definition the first letter “Z” of zesty is nowhere near this sauce. The first bite I took sent me into shivers. I am not sure if it was the vinegar, lemon concentrate, low grade mayo, or what? But my group I had with me when I opened the bottle did not stop there. We put it on chicken, pork, and poured some on steamed broccoli. A vote was then taken as to give it the trash can pitch or keep it on the table. You should have seen the beautiful arch it made as it hit the edge of the trash can and sank into the bottom of “Never To be Seen Again."

Great Value Rising Crust Pizza

Wednesday had been one of those days. I am sure you have been there--get one thing done and two more things are added before you finish with the first. As I entered Wal-Mart on the way to the house, my stomach was telling me my throat had been cut since early that morning and it needed something fast. I could feel my body shrinking as I walked down the aisle and stopped in front of the Great Value Shelf containing all different varieties of pizza. Now! I usually make my own pizza, but tonight was going to be one of those get in the mouth quick meals and I selected the Chicken, Bacon and Ranch Sauce.

There was no particular reason why I chose this one, and I didn’t expect much in taste above cardboard standard. Taken out of the carton and still wrapped in the plastic it had about as much eye appeal as roadkill, and I was starting to have second thoughts such as Peanut Butter and Jelly or this sitting before me. But I followed thought with my original thought and put 'er in the oven for the required amount of time which was about 25 minutes. I looked at it for the first time when the timer went off and was surprised at the caterpillar to butterfly metamorphosis that had taken place. Sitting before me was a fluffy white sauce, slightly brown topped pizza with...Yes! Folks! large chunks of chicken and lots of bacon bits as toppings. After cutting it into the usual 8 piece configuration, I shuffled two pieces on a plate and coated them with 6 inches of crushed red pepper, grabbed a cold one from the fridge and set down in front of the big screen.

The first bite indicated I had made a good choice. The crust was crispy, yet soft on the inside. The sauce and the ingredients blended well and for the price was “Good Value.” So! If you're in a rush and need a quick meal, this one you might want to try.

Brain Fillers: The word is Al Dente in Latin means “to the tooth.” It indicates a degree of doneness when cooking pasta. When someone says that it is slightly chewy and firm they are saying it is Al Dente.


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  1. Oh. So! That was YOU causing the blockage on the sauce aisle t'other day.

    I have found that some of Wal Mart's sauces are even better than the name brands. Doesn't happen a lot, but it happens.

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